The other morning, I woke up and for some reason the first thing that popped into my head was just how annoying the Woke Agenda has become. I don’t know, maybe it was from a dream I was having that I can no longer remember. Whatever the case, it just popped up in there. And here’s the thing, I really don’t have a problem with the foundation this Agenda claims to be built on. The bedrock and the principles of it, that is. When I think about it, I don’t have a problem with diversity in TV and movies. It’s fine. It doesn’t bother me. I don’t mind seeing interracial relationships being portrayed in a storyline. I don’t mind see trans people in whatever. I don’t mind seeing a person in a wheelchair fighting ghosts.
I think seeing characters portrayed in diverse ways is a good thing.
For me, I remember being told a story by this mom, how her daughter saw a film featuring a female scientist. Her daughter wrote an essay on this scientist, got accepted to attend some scholarship rally, and ended up winning. This little girl saw this documentary featuring a female scientist, it inspired her, she wrote about it, and now her life could be going down the road to a STEM field because of all that. I mean, that’s a great thing.
So, I started asking myself, why was I so annoyed when I saw that poster for the new The Little Mermaid movie? What’s the big deal, right? Why am I so annoyed to see an all-female Ghostbusters movie? Why did I roll my eyes to see so many race-swapped roles in the TV version of The Last of Us?
In fact, why am I so accepting of The Last of Us Part 1 but get turned-off by The Last of Us Part 2?
Well, I’ll tell you why. It’s all about putting sushi on top of an apple pie.
When I realized this, it all made sense to me.
Because I love apple pie. It’s delicious? And I love sushi.
I just don’t want someone putting sushi on top of my apple pie.
Now, I’m not opposed to having a big, delicious sushi meal and having the evening topped off with a nice slice of apple pie and coffee on the side. That sounds like a good night, right? A selection of nigiri sushi and a few Rock N’ Rolls on the side. Maybe start off with some miso soup and some seaweed salad. Follow that up with a piping hot slice of apple pie to wind down for the evening. Fantastic.
But I didn’t ask you to put the sushi on my apple pie.
“What does it matter? It all ends up in your stomach at the end, right?”
I’ll tell you what. I’ll have the apple pie over here; and I’ll have the sushi over here. The sushi is on one plate. The apple pie is on another plate. They should be in context of one another. They can exist together but they need to be in context with one another.
The sushi goes with rice, seaweed wrap, wasabi and soy sauce. Maybe a little bit of ginger. All that can go together. It makes sense. The apple pie is on a smaller plate. Maybe put a little thing of ice cream on it. Maybe have a little dusting of cinnamon. It gets its own special fork. The coffee is over here…it even gets its own even smaller little plate to put the cup on.
The size of the plate doesn’t have any significance here. It’s just that the size of the plate fits the item it helps to serve. Calm down. I know what you’re thinking.
But we have a problem If you decide to put the sushi on top of my apple pie for me. You’re basically forcing the sushi down my throat in a way I don’t want it. And god forbid if I pick the sushi off like I pick the pickles off a hamburger when I never asked for them to be on there. But when I pick stuff off, the chef will be all mad. How dare I alter the meal he so lovingly prepared for me. Because the chef knows best. It’s his dish, his creation, and he knows best. If I didn’t want it the way he prepared it, I should go somewhere else.
And that’s fair. But don’t spring this surprise on me. Don’t expect me to not be a bit miffed if I order a slice of apple pie and it shows up covered in raw tuna.
I know what you’re saying: some cultures look down on substitutions and custom orders. Heaven help me if I want the dressing for my salad on the side. Shame be brought upon me and my ancestors if I dare add ketchup, salt, or barbecue sauce to anything. What I’m saying is don’t surprise me with your cute little concoction, your little wink-and-a-nod to your own twist to an all-time classic. I know what you’re doing and I didn’t ask to be party to it.
Sushi on the apple pie isn’t about me enjoying the apple pie, it’s about the chef inserting their whims upon me.
For example, The Last of Us: Part 1 is about a man and a girl who both lost their families, traveling across the country together, and finding hope and meaning once again while gaining a surrogate family in the process. The Last of Us: Part 2 is about overt Wokeism with a side story of two girls embroiled in a bitter rivalry but completely incapable of being able to finish anything they start.
The problem with Part 2 is that it’s more focused on pushing an Agenda on the player than it is delivering a coherent and satisfying story.
The game disregards the character development of both Ellie and Joel from the first game and substitutes their established character traits with new ones. These new character traits allow the inciting incident to spawn the new storyline which will be the vehicle for their Agenda.
Actually, I’ll be fair. Part 2’s main point (not the story) is that it’s about examining the path Hatred will lead you down. It’s about looking at both sides of a story. The game developers thought it would be a great idea to make you play as a character named Abby…for 10 to 15 hours. They thought that even after spending an entire game growing close and connected to Joel and Ellie, you could still find some shred of an emotional connection with Abby as well. That we would see things from her point of view.
And then, when it wasn’t working, they took that story and sprinkled Wokeism all over it like it was Tony Chacheries. Thus, gaining armor against anyone who would dare criticize it.
They actually thought we would gain sympathy for Abby after forcing us to play as her for 15 hours? What hubris? Then, on top of that, they pair Abby up with this trans kid who really only acts as a canine companion for the whole time. And by that, I mean, in movies there’s this saying of “never kill the dog.” Because people tend to be more emotionally attached to dogs rather than humans. If you kill a dog in a movie, you risk losing your audience because they emotionally check out. The character of Lev is basically like that. You’re supposed to not want anything bad to happen to Lev, right? But instead, Lev is annoying and complains about being bullied in every scene. Lev is this capable individual on her own right but who only exists to in an effort to make Abby more likable. They treat Lev like a puppy that needs constant protection. Lev is the Hooch to Abby’s Turner. And even that didn’t work.
Then, when they’re not beating over your head how bullied Lev is…you know, in the post-Apocalyptic world–Because that’s what people should really be concerned about when you’re not scavenging for food and supplies, misgendering. The greatest sin of all--When they’re not beating you over the head with that, you go over to Ellie’s side of the story and they beat you over the head with how she’s in love with Dina who is said to be of Israeli/Jewish heritage and also once had a relationship with Jesse, an Asian-American character. So, Caucasian Ellie is in a lesbian relationship with bisexual Israeli/Jewish Dina who, in turn, just got out of a relationship with straight Asian-American Jesse. Everyone got that?
We know what you’re doing.
Just make sure you stretch before you pat yourself on the back, you brave and noble developers.
Changing the world one nonsensical, unrealistic, and contrived decision at a time.
Now, the problem with The Little Mermaid remake has nothing to do with bringing to life a live-action remake of a children’s classic featuring a flesh-and-blood version of a character we all have tattooed in our mind, and more to do with shoveling an Agenda down our throat. They didn’t find the right person for the job; they found the right person for their Agenda. The Little Mermaid isn’t a movie anymore. It’s a cudgel.
Having a movie featuring a black mermaid is fine. But we all know what you’re doing when you intentionally race-swap a character just to push buttons. It’s no longer about the story, is it?
And what’s annoying is that we all know this. Come on, we all know this is the case. They know what they’re doing.
It’s surgical. Because if you dare criticize it, they’ll just yell that you’re a bigot. Right?
They want people to be annoyed with what they’re doing because when people complain they can wear the mask of the Noble Warrior.
It’s called “King’s X” and it’s when we’re all playing tag and you cross your fingers, exempting yourself from being caught or calling a time out. Anything containing The Message is exempt from criticism.
It’s them saying “Fuck the story, I have something to say.”
That’s fine, but it has to make sense.
Portrait of a Lady On Fire is one of my absolute favorite films and it’s been heralded as a great LGBTQ film, winning a GLAAD award among others. But it all made sense in context and at no point did I feel like anything was being shoe-horned in for good measure. Great script, great cinematography, great acting. Everything is on point. Fantastic film where every aspect was essential.
On the other hand, I was watching Anne with an “E” and season 2 just goes Bananas Foster with The Message. Stuff that’s not even in the book was introduced to spread the Agenda. Characters are re-written to conform to the tropes. Even Anne is cast in a light to be a part of the Message.
I read the book and I was just sitting there saying to the TV, “Okay, this isn’t in the book, this isn’t how it was originally written, you’re just doing this for YOU. This is all about you, your message, and your attempt to pat yourself on the back for how good and righteous you think you are.”
Congratulations, we’re so impressed by how brave you are in this room of people you invited.
Did anyone have a problem with The Imitation Game? Did anyone have a problem with Philadelphia? Did anyone have a problem with Brokeback Mountain, Rocketman, The Birdcage? No.
Brokeback Mountain was a critical and commercial success, winning three Oscars.
Philadelphia won two Oscars.
The Imitation Game won an Oscar for best adapted screenplay.
Dallas Buyers Club won three. The list goes on and on.
But Billy Eichner took the massive failure of the film Bros personally and swore it was because the American audience is a bunch of bigots. No, dude. It’s because your movie looks fucking shitty and is an obvious attempt at being subversive and progressive for the sake of being subversive and progressive. If you’re going to create something to intentionally push people’s buttons, you better have the goods to back it up.
We get it. Artists should have an agenda. They should have something to say. That’s the whole point of art.
The problem comes up when you shoe-horn your agenda into things where it doesn’t fit, doesn’t belong, and doesn’t add anything to the story. It’s when you elevate the Agenda ABOVE the story. We all see it for what it is. You think you’re doing it to be noble, but we all know you’re doing it just cause you want to show everyone how bold and righteous you are. We’re not that stupid. We see what you’re doing.
It’s not about the story anymore. It’s all about you.
The whole world revolves around you.
Maybe we’re not the assholes. Maybe it’s you who are the ones who just don’t fucking get it.
Sushi is fine. Apple pie is fine. They just have to work in the right context.
